Hahahah - I really am suprising myself on how much I have been slacking with this lately. I thought it would be easier for me to keep up with this journal, day to day...but I have found myself keeping up more so with my written journal at home - Oops! Well, that's a good thing, but, anyways....I had a strange, strange weekend. I came to find out that I have to take a break from someone that I love so much - that I thought was different. She is being changed by drugs - they are taking over her body, mind and soul. I hate it - and she really let me down this weekend...so much that it was one of the components of my stress and anxiety, that eventually caused me to have a severe panic attack while driving on a thruway to New Jersey on Friday evening, all by myself!! It's funny that both times that I have had those awful attacks have been while I was driving on a thruway - not in daylight. Scary as hell, let me tell you. I have to step back and take a really good look at things in that department, with people like that - and steer clear of things that will cause me so much stress. I will also make it a point to never drive that far of a distance, by myself ... at least, for awhile.

I had a nice relaxing Sunday evening, and yesterday too, which helped end my long weekend on a good note. I am extremely exhausted today though ... it seems like I can just never get enough sleep these days.

According to Dr. "can't remember his name," with 'some study,' sleeping from 4.5-6.5 hours per night/day will lead to the longest lasting life and health.

I don't even think I am getting that, so that sucks!! Crap!! I'll have to work on that.

Well, I am excited to be home in Buffalo, and I am excited for Saturday, because it is Neil's Birthday!! Happy Stupid Valentines Day too!! Yuck!! hahaha

Well, it is monday once again - YUCK - I really do not care for the beginning of the week. This weekend went by way too fast...but I did have a good time. Paul's birthday party was really fun, although I was only there for about an hour, maybe not even...not by my choice though (just to let you boys know that!!!! I wanted to stay!!). Maybe in reflection of that situation, I shall start to go to parties by my lonesome, so I can come and go as I please, instead of dragging along 55 people with me!! Suprisingly, I did in fact make it to my child abuse and neglect training session on Saturday morning at 9:00, which was a shocker, on only 2.5 hours of sleep! Deciding on the way home from my training that I was going to lay my ass right back down to bed .... but that didn't last very long. Instead, Megan, Kat, Courtney and I decided we in need of a wonderful steak sandwich from the Pink, and a couple of beers, at 1:30 in the afternoon!! It was funny - we are crazy.

Hopefully next time we have a party at our place, Matthew, Paul and Terry will come over!!! That would be oh so special!!! Haha
I saw all of your pictures from the party, they were great. TK - u looked hot in those yellow pants baby!! =)

Ok, back to work ..........

Wow - I feel bad that I haven't kept up with my journal in awhile ... maybe I have been feeling out of touch - with myself, and especially with others very close to me (or I thought they were close to me), lately....

But Terry made a comment to me the other night that I should write in my journal!!! hahaha - i got caught!! Actually, thanks Terry, because I almost forgot that I had forgot to write in it...and I was planning on writing in it soon!! hahaha...... anyways.... Yeah, that was a good night - TK brought Terry over, finally!!! I tried to get those boys over to my damn place forever ... especially on New Years, but then we both ended up having parties!! It was funny!! Oh yeah, also - TK - thanks for wearing yo' hair all funkay for me ... it's much appreciated!! Tonight is the birthday party for Paul ... TK and Terry invited me, so I guess I am gonna go!! Gonna get blunted my brotha... haha, nope, gonna get drunky though!! Good times!!

Finally 2004 - weird as hell!!!
Came way too fast, just as everything is just going by way too fast.

The New Years Eve party was a hit, I guess I can say that ... but my cousin/roommate ended up falling asleep at about 12:30, right after the ball dropped!!! It was kind of funny, but her presece was missed most of the night.

Things ended up changing in my favor, which is really unbeievable. I am glad that I can feel that things are finally in my range of understanding - clarity ... yesssssss!!!! That's always good to have. I am with TK on this one ... if you want something, go out and fucking get it. Don't give up, don't let go. No regrets for not trying or leaving behind .... as it were, if it was. I love you TK baby - miss you!!!

Got a new job interview this week - finally, something new!!! Hopefully all goes well. It was scheduled for today, but got cancelled because of the 'bad weather??!!' Whatever - it works for me, cuz now me and i's plans to go to Toronto can finally happen!!! Be back soon!!

I'm in total shock, and disbelief, that it is already the new year - 2004 - that's crazy. Another year flew by ... another year to leave behind. Here is to new beginnings!

These past couple of days have left a sour taste in my mouth, along with a stomach that's feels as though its swimming in anxiety and confusion. Nervousness - oooohhhh yeeeaaahhhh.
"Please, Please, Please ... Let me, Let me, Let me ... get what I want, this time ..."
TK - you feel me, don't you??? hahha - we love it.

But that is my phrase of the day, or rather for the past couple of days, and until I encounter this unknown thing that's plaguing my heart and ....... yuck. Anyways ...

Happy New Year to everyone - Party at my place tonight - 488 Breckenridge St. Second floor.